When we first found out we were having a baby we both were terrified. Myself more than her mother ha ha. That terrifying feeling turned into happiness over the next few days and we both were very anxious to find out what our little gift was gonna be (we both wanted a boy). We agreed on the name Logan whether it was a boy or girl. Logan Von if it was a boy and Logan Aulora if it was a girl. I remember the day we found out we were having a girl. I called my brother and he asked me “why aren’t you having a boy?” Ha ha. Even though we both wanted a boy we were more than happy to be parents to our baby girl. On January 12th 2018 we received the worst news we could ever get, our baby girl was no longer with us. We were devastated to say the least. On January 13th 2018 at 3:04 am the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life was born. Even though our time with our sweet angel was cut short we value and cherish the times we had with her from our movie dates, zoo trip, family reunion, and so many dinner dates. Her mother and I like to think that she was there apart of those activities while she was in there cooking. I myself miss the times when I would sing a country song to her while she was in the mother’s stomach. We miss and love you so much our sweet baby Logan Aulora.
As a parent, your worst fear is losing your child at any age. And as a first time parent, I never thought it was even a possibility. Imagine carrying an entire little human inside you for 38 weeks and 4 days to one day wake up and no longer feel pregnant. Heartbreaking, isn’t it? For 4 hours I remained in a state of panic because she isn’t moving like she normally did. I tried everything in the book and still nothing. Getting to the hospital and proceeding with an ultrasound, there was dead silence. My heart began to cry before my eyes could even produce tears. “Why me? Why her?” I looked down at my belly and couldn’t believe what I didn’t hear. I knew she was gone, my heart and mind couldn’t quite comprehend it. It became more real when I heard the crackling voices of my love ones when I told them the devastating news. One by one as everyone entered the room, their faces only made it harder for me. After delivery, the nurses handed me a 6 pounds and 7 1/2 ounces baby girl with curly dark hair, eyes like her mother’s, and who smelled like the freshest lavender. I held her carefully and kissed her cheek as if she was asleep. They dressed her in the cutest outfit her father could ever buy and every person in the room held her and kissed her softly, even rocked her. The hardest part were the following days. I smelled lavender wherever I went and in my heart, I knew it was her. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing her face, hearing a cry, and feeling her in my arms. I gave up on faith in God, I isolated myself, and I lost my mind. She was and forever will be the greatest part of me. To this day, I come home expecting her to be there, for this nightmare to end, and to hold her one more time. To Logan, mommy and daddy love you and miss you and can’t wait to see you again. Watch over us, pumpkin 💕