800.313.6161
kiddadag@bmbfa.org

India Angel February 4, 2018 - February 7, 2018

Age: 3 days

We prayed for you! Your 7 year old brother prayed for you daily before I concieved you. That God would bless him with a sister that he wanted to name Angel. Last year when the school year started I had no idea I was pregnant... I waited and waited and finally decided to take a test and to my surprise and joy you were growing inside me. Daddy and I took forever to decide on your name because we wanted it to be perfect for you and finally he agreed to India. Yes Dominic was mad (your brother) was upset. He said that he deserved to name you because he prayed for you and I guess he was right. I kept asking him why Angel? All he ever said was because you were his angel and I guess he was right. When went for my routine check up at 27 weeks I had no idea they were going to tell me that my amniotic fluid was low, but they kept me in the hospital to monitor. At times I get so angry with myself for not listening to my heart effect they told me they needed to do an emergency C-section because I knew there was nothing wrong with you, but I felt like the doctors knew better than me. Well... Turns out they were wrong. You weren't growth restricted but they took you out a little too soon. I can still hear your cry when you entered this world and smell you. The entire family, church members, as friends were actually awaiting you. I hate they didn't get to meet you. You were amazing! You had the same birth mark as your brother and looked just like him and Daddy. The pain I felt when they told me your heart was failing was unreal! I wanted you to pull through... We had plans for you. But, God had the final say. I wake up some days and life seems unbearable but I keep going because I know you are with me. I know that I will see you again. I know your safe from this world.  Last week was rough. My heart yearns for you and I decided to open your memory box and lost it, but I understand it's a process. I dont know if we will ever recover... But we must go on. Now I'm trying to conceive again not to replace you because it's impossible to replace you in my heart or mind, but to have a sibling for your brother. He's 8 now and wears a necklace with your ashes in it everywhere he goes because he wants you with him. My heart hurts for him mostly because he doesn't understand like us. He just wants you. We want you! But God! I know where you are so your are not lost but waiting. Waiting on the day when we are reunited. While your up there help God watch over us. Continue to visit mommy in my dreams and ask God to send us another baby. Tell him I'm ready. I love you so much baby girl. You taught me so much about myself in 3 short days like how to be thankful for the little things, how to cherish memories, and how God carries us even when we want to die and don't realize it and I thank you and Him for that. Losing you showed me that I had strength I never knew and I can't wait to teach it to your brother and the sibling(s) that God sends us to love on in your absence. Your brother is still trusting God and praying for another sibling and I thank God for him. Now his prayers have changed a little. He now pays that God sends a sister that "lives a well and successful life here on Earth with him." Can you believe it? He's 8 but he's got the spirit and belief of an 80 year old. Well I guess I will go now, but I know I will see you again in my dreams real soon. I can't wait to kiss you again. Love mommy❤️😘💋